After my first time getting pegged (which was an amazing experience) I wrote about about my concerns whether getting pegged would make me want to start doing it with men. It’s a difficult thing to write about because even though I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay, being straight is a part of my identity.
Well, part one was a short insight into how I felt about that and how, after we did it I found out that I didn’t feel any desire to find men to take the place of my strap-on wearing wife.
This post is part two and it’s a deeper look at pegging and feeling gay. It’s inspired by and will contain many quotes from a reddit post where one guy who tries pegging with his fiancée. I want to summarize and comment on the reddit post here but read the real one, it’s a great conversation.
His Pegging Experience
First, I’ll go over his post. Quotes will be in italics.
He starts by describing their sexual history leading up to the purchase of “a 7-inch [strap-on dildo] that looked eerily realistic, right down to the balls. Initially, I was hesitant, since it looked a bit TOO close to an actual dick”
That’s so true. I had exactly the same concerns. I didn’t want a realistic looking cock. I’m not doing this because I have a thing for penises. I just want something that will go up my ass and give me prostate pleasure. That’s why for other beginners, I recommend a non-threatening looking strap-on.
They get their new strap-on and after a moment of hesitation once he realized how big it really is, they’re ready. “I assumed the “doggy” position (which made me feel more exposed and vulnerable than I’ve ever felt in my life, oddly)“. This is so true about the vulnerable feeling. Women understand this. Men have no idea until they give someone else permission to fuck them. An eye opener.
“She eventually got it in. It felt very strange” At first, it will feel strange. Even if you’ve explored anal stimulation alone, it’s so different with a partner.
But then, it gets good. “I told her to push it in a little further, and this is the point where it started to feel good. Like, REALLY good. I was honestly shocked… The feeling is difficult to explain, but it rendered me almost paralysed with pleasure.”
This happens. In the post where I talk about my first time, I talk about how I feel like I have the conversation ability of a one year old.
So, up until here this guy is having a good old time. But as they get more caught up in the moment, they start getting a bit more vocal. “She began talking dirty to me, saying stuff like, “you’re such a slut for liking this”, “take it all, bitch” and “I’m gonna seed your ass”. In the heat of the moment, I began responding with, “oh, your cock’s so fucking big” and “pound me. Fill me up”. Eventually, I came, through a combination of the prostate stimulation and handjob. I was in heaven, but I immediately regretted what I’d said. My fiancée was all smiles, saying she really enjoyed and it and it turned her on to be in the dominant position for once, but I couldn’t help but feel… gay.”
Feeling Gay After Getting Pegged
So now we get into the gay-ness of pegging. And it’s a confusing place.
First of all, to understand him, I think it’s important to define gay, which is also confusing as heck. Obviously, it means a man who likes other men. And he says there was a brief point where this feeling came up: “for a few very brief and fleeting moments during the session I actually pretended it WAS a guy who was fucking me”
Personally I question whether he pretended or whether, with the knowledge that society still has a distaste for anything other than straight and vanilla, his subconscious flicked to how he felt others would perceive him. Or maybe not. Maybe he is a little bit gay. So what?
I think it all comes down to the nagging stigma society has for homosexuality and how being defined as gay reduces your masculinity somehow. And that masculine bit there, that makes things a whole lot more confusing. Because now it’s also about gender.
So being pegged can not only make you feel gay, it can also make you feel less of a male. Not necessarily female, but certainly less male.
Why is this a problem? Well, that’s down to realistic insecurity. I mean, it’s only image right. But I say realistic because the reality is, if you are known as gay, you will be treated differently. That’s sad. And that’s where this whole thing comes from. It’s still “bad” to be gay.
Great Advice from Reddit
Now I’ve always loved the reddit r/sex section and their positive and real advice. This thread was no different. Here’s some of the advice.
Masculinity is so often associated with dominance that it is often very confusing to talk about both separately. It completely makes sense that you would associate being dominate with being male, especially when having unfiltered sex thoughts that don’t make such a fine distinction. Don’t worry about it.
It was great to see something like this as the top comment. It’s so new, so different, when you get pegged and given that as guys, the sex that has the penis and that generally takes the more active and perhaps the more dominant role, getting up in doggy position waiting for your partner to fuck you up the ass is a real eye opener. That it’s confusing and challenges our sense of self that has been taught to us our whole lives is to be expected!
Dude relax. Are you attracted to guys? No? Then its just sex and words.
And if yes? Who cares.
And if he is attracted to guys? OK. Cool. I’m assuming he’s still attracted to his wife so it doesn’t change much.
This series of comments is great. It’s reddit’s community sense of solid values coming out. Because this is exactly the point. You might feel “gay”, but do you really feel gay and even then, you have to remember that it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change who you are and on top of that, being attracted to others isn’t a problem unless you start acting on it.
Everybody is reassuring you that you don’t necessarily like men. But I think that’s missing the point. You might like men, you might not, but that doesn’t really matter. It sounds like you’re having a blast fucking your fiancée. So you should keep doing that, and keep loving it!
And this is what it comes down to. Find someone special then find fun things to do with them. If that includes her fucking you with a dildo strapped to her waist, then do it! You enjoyed it, she enjoyed it, keep doing it! It’s really only society’s hate of “gay” that makes you feel like this.
So, to wrap up this long post, I’ll just say pegging can make you feel gay. But not really. A friend once said to me that he’d never try anal (with a woman) because that’s gay. I was shocked because I love anal sex. It’s so depraved (in a good way). But anyway, I asked him how he felt about blowjobs because gay guys do that too. He looked scared for a second, like he’d just lost his wallet. His expression melted into thoughtfulness and he hmmmmm-ed at me. Mind blown.
The point is, sexual acts don’t define our sexuality. And our sexuality doesn’t define who we are. But getting pegged can make you feel gay. It won’t change you from heterosexual to homosexual but it can make you feel “gay”, whatever gay really means.