After my first time getting pegged (which was an amazing experience) I wrote about about my concerns whether getting pegged would make me want to start doing it with men. It’s a difficult thing to write about because even though I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay, being straight is a part of my identity.
Well, part one was a short insight into how I felt about that and how, after we did it I found out that I didn’t feel any desire to find men to take the place of my strap-on wearing wife.
This post is part two and it’s a deeper look at pegging and feeling gay. It’s inspired by and will contain many quotes from a reddit post where one guy who tries pegging with his fiancée. I want to summarize and comment on the reddit post here but read the real one, it’s a great conversation.
His Pegging Experience
First, I’ll go over his post. Quotes will be in italics.
He starts by describing their sexual history leading up to the purchase of “a 7-inch [strap-on dildo] that looked eerily realistic, right down to the balls. Initially, I was hesitant, since it looked a bit TOO close to an actual dick”
That’s so true. I had exactly the same concerns. I didn’t want a realistic looking cock. I’m not doing this because I have a thing for penises. I just want something that will go up my ass and give me prostate pleasure. That’s why for other beginners, I recommend a non-threatening looking strap-on.
They get their new strap-on and after a moment of hesitation once he realized how big it really is, they’re ready. “I assumed the “doggy” position (which made me feel more exposed and vulnerable than I’ve ever felt in my life, oddly)“. This is so true about the vulnerable feeling. Women understand this. Men have no idea until they give someone else permission to fuck them. An eye opener.
“She eventually got it in. It felt very strange” At first, it will feel strange. Even if you’ve explored anal stimulation alone, it’s so different with a partner.
But then, it gets good. “I told her to push it in a little further, and this is the point where it started to feel good. Like, REALLY good. I was honestly shocked… The feeling is difficult to explain, but it rendered me almost paralysed with pleasure.”
This happens. In the post where I talk about my first time, I talk about how I feel like I have the conversation ability of a one year old.
So, up until here this guy is having a good old time. But as they get more caught up in the moment, they start getting a bit more vocal. “She began talking dirty to me, saying stuff like, “you’re such a slut for liking this”, “take it all, bitch” and “I’m gonna seed your ass”. In the heat of the moment, I began responding with, “oh, your cock’s so fucking big” and “pound me. Fill me up”. Eventually, I came, through a combination of the prostate stimulation and handjob. I was in heaven, but I immediately regretted what I’d said. My fiancée was all smiles, saying she really enjoyed and it and it turned her on to be in the dominant position for once, but I couldn’t help but feel… gay.”
Feeling Gay After Getting Pegged
So now we get into the gay-ness of pegging. And it’s a confusing place.
First of all, to understand him, I think it’s important to define gay, which is also confusing as heck. Obviously, it means a man who likes other men. And he says there was a brief point where this feeling came up: “for a few very brief and fleeting moments during the session I actually pretended it WAS a guy who was fucking me”
Personally I question whether he pretended or whether, with the knowledge that society still has a distaste for anything other than straight and vanilla, his subconscious flicked to how he felt others would perceive him. Or maybe not. Maybe he is a little bit gay. So what?
I think it all comes down to the nagging stigma society has for homosexuality and how being defined as gay reduces your masculinity somehow. And that masculine bit there, that makes things a whole lot more confusing. Because now it’s also about gender.
So being pegged can not only make you feel gay, it can also make you feel less of a male. Not necessarily female, but certainly less male.
Why is this a problem? Well, that’s down to realistic insecurity. I mean, it’s only image right. But I say realistic because the reality is, if you are known as gay, you will be treated differently. That’s sad. And that’s where this whole thing comes from. It’s still “bad” to be gay.
Great Advice from Reddit
Now I’ve always loved the reddit r/sex section and their positive and real advice. This thread was no different. Here’s some of the advice.
Masculinity is so often associated with dominance that it is often very confusing to talk about both separately. It completely makes sense that you would associate being dominate with being male, especially when having unfiltered sex thoughts that don’t make such a fine distinction. Don’t worry about it.
It was great to see something like this as the top comment. It’s so new, so different, when you get pegged and given that as guys, the sex that has the penis and that generally takes the more active and perhaps the more dominant role, getting up in doggy position waiting for your partner to fuck you up the ass is a real eye opener. That it’s confusing and challenges our sense of self that has been taught to us our whole lives is to be expected!
Dude relax. Are you attracted to guys? No? Then its just sex and words.
And if yes? Who cares.
And if he is attracted to guys? OK. Cool. I’m assuming he’s still attracted to his wife so it doesn’t change much.
This series of comments is great. It’s reddit’s community sense of solid values coming out. Because this is exactly the point. You might feel “gay”, but do you really feel gay and even then, you have to remember that it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change who you are and on top of that, being attracted to others isn’t a problem unless you start acting on it.
Everybody is reassuring you that you don’t necessarily like men. But I think that’s missing the point. You might like men, you might not, but that doesn’t really matter. It sounds like you’re having a blast fucking your fiancée. So you should keep doing that, and keep loving it!
And this is what it comes down to. Find someone special then find fun things to do with them. If that includes her fucking you with a dildo strapped to her waist, then do it! You enjoyed it, she enjoyed it, keep doing it! It’s really only society’s hate of “gay” that makes you feel like this.
So, to wrap up this long post, I’ll just say pegging can make you feel gay. But not really. A friend once said to me that he’d never try anal (with a woman) because that’s gay. I was shocked because I love anal sex. It’s so depraved (in a good way). But anyway, I asked him how he felt about blowjobs because gay guys do that too. He looked scared for a second, like he’d just lost his wallet. His expression melted into thoughtfulness and he hmmmmm-ed at me. Mind blown.
The point is, sexual acts don’t define our sexuality. And our sexuality doesn’t define who we are. But getting pegged can make you feel gay. It won’t change you from heterosexual to homosexual but it can make you feel “gay”, whatever gay really means.
10 thoughts on “Does Getting Pegged Make You Feel Gay: Part 2”
Great post. I too loved being pegged by my wife, but she didn’t enjoy it. I still put plugs in my ass, but it’s always solo. I still love her, but I must admit, just once, with my permission (I was forced as a teen) I’d like to feel a real cock in there. I’m not attracted to men, but I’d love to experience it just once, preferably with a woman involved.
Hey Trip, I’m sorry to hear that your wife isn’t into pegging, but not everyone can enjoy that kind of thing and it’s important we respect others. Good on her though for trying it though!
My wife and I peg only very occasionally, it’s not a big part of our sex lives, but when it does happen I really enjoy it. For my wife, I assume all her enjoyment comes from seeing how much I lose control. Because it’s only an occasional thing for us, and when we haven’t had sex for a few days and I’m crazy horny, I also reach for the butt plug when I have some alone time. Not at all the same as getting pegged but it hits some of the right spots.
Thanks for sharing. And thanks for posting such positive thoughts. The folks you quoted on Reddit are right. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you like. Enjoy it and don’t worry about the labels or trying to characterize it.
Hey Tom, thanks for stopping by and for the appreciation! And yeah, I totally agree; don’t bother about the labels. Just do what you both enjoy doing together and if it’s private then what’s the problem.
I have come to realise that if you are a good person, if your actions are guided by a sense of love for your fellow man, then it’s very easy to have a solid sense of confidence in yourself. Once you have this your identity isn’t affected by what people might think or say about you.
Still, I can understand that many men who aren’t yet sure of themselves and their identity as good, loving humans would be scared of being labelled gay with all the hate that is still directed at that word.
I think my wife would be up for it. She has played with my ass before with her fingers. And she has a small vibrator not really phallic shaped but she has had in my ass a few times. I want to get a strap on about the size of me for her to use on me. Not sure how she will react to that.
Hey Jay, if you’re keen to try it with your wife, and I recommend you do because if you liked a finger and a vibrator then wait till it’s something strapped onto your wife for her to fuck you with. It’s amazing. Anyway, if you are keen to try it, I recommend buying it with your wife, rather than getting it by yourself and presenting it to her the moment you tell her you want to try it.
First, talk about wanting to try pegging and see if she is into it. As you said, it doesn’t sound like she’d be completely against it by any means.
Then, talk about what you want in terms of dildo size, shape etc. Then do a bit of online browsing together (which builds up the excitement for when it arrives and you can try it out together).
I’m here because my husband brought, not pegging, but prostate stimulation/massage, up the other night and I want to understand how best to understand what he’s looking for and move forward. He has been interested in the idea for a significant amount of time and has avoided bringing it up because it can be so loaded and confusing. It broke my heart that he doubted for a second I would lose sight of him and our many (many) years together because of cultural dysfunction. We’re raising kids together who will be encountering their own sexuality in the next couple of years and it was hard to hear that he doesn’t allow himself the same open-mindedness we hold for then. Anyway, it was amazing to watch the weight fall off him when we talked. We’ve still barely started the conversation but I just wanted to say thank you for your helpful and honest words.
Yeah, it can be very hard to break through all the things we’ve learned and assimilated into our understanding of what is meant to be and who we’re meant to be. Outside the bedroom, men are supposed to be aggressive and dominant. Women are supposed to be the opposite. But that just doesn’t work and isn’t real. Of course there are both of both!
And inside the bedroom, well, there just shouldn’t be any rules at all, really. How we enjoy ourselves with our partner is private business. Still, knowing that mentally and truly believing and embodying and living that belief are two different things. So it can be a challenge.
If you read my earliest posts here, from back in 2013, you can see it was a challenge for me and also for my wife. Even once we got the strap on, it took us quite some time to getting around to using it, and I think that was in part about breaking through mental barriers within ourselves.
Good luck to you and husband on your quest to try this new area of sexual pleasure. Have fun, enjoy good sex, laugh at the failures and continue bonding as a loving couple.
I absolutely adore this.. I’m a wife and I have to admit i enjoy the act of pegging .. I’ve been married for 15 years and he has always been more than generous with anal play. Recently we have pushed the art of our imaginations and gotten raunchy with word play. I understand how men feel after they allow their wives to give them pleasure in a way that can also make the feel mentally vulnerable. I never make him do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with but I do like to be asked ;0). Relationships should always be based on trust and I’m so happy that me and my husband can related to others that enjoy reversal play ..
Dee! Thanks for commenting!
Great to have another voice chiming in for women enjoying the act of pegging their partner.
Some people enjoy the dominance of the act, my wife and I certainly aren’t in that group and it sounds like you and your husband aren’t either. Still, we have a lot of fun with out strap-ons, don’t we.
The vulnerable feeling is so true. And it’s huge. It’s something women, I assume, feel every time they let a man inside them and men have no real idea until they pull their legs back or get in the doggy position and let their partner enter them. It truly does take a lot of courage.